Episode #2: Going and Growing Too Slow
Have you ever had a brilliant business idea, then watched someone else take that idea and run with it because you took too long to make it happen?
My guest is Belinda Weaver, the owner of Copywrite Matters and a copy coach in the copywriting industry.
Belinda created the concept for a membership community that would scale her business…and then…she sat on it (mostly because she was juggling two young kids).
While she waited for the perfect time to launch, other copywriters jumped on the same idea, created their own membership, and grew them into successful businesses.
Going at a pace that felt slower than everyone around her made Belinda rethink her work-life balance, the speed at which she’s growing her business, and her relationship between motherhood and being a business owner.
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Eman Ismail: [00:00:00] Do you remember when Harry and Meghan got married?
Course you remember, we all love a Royal wedding. Back then, while the world was celebrating that fairy tale, royal romance, I was anything but happy working full-time for a charity. Every morning, I'd wake up, take my then two year old son to nursery and start the two hour round trip to work. As soon as the clock hits 6:00 PM, I'd rush out the office door and drive [00:01:00] straight home so I could see my son before he fell asleep for the night. Some days I'd make it in time, but most days I wouldn't.
By the time I got home, he'd be curled up on the couch, fast asleep where he'd been waiting for me. I'd pick up his sleeping body and hold him gently as I held back tears.
I was depressed, overworked. And worst of all I felt like a bad mother. It was around this time that someone on LinkedIn introduced me to Hot Copy, a podcast that teaches copywriters how to run their own copywriting business.
The co-host of that show was a vibrant tattoo sporting Doctor Who loving Australian mother of two called Belinda Weaver. After binging 81 episodes straight, I finally felt ready to do what I'd always thought was impossible: start my own business. One that was flexible and family friendly, and that worked around my desperate want to be a more present mother.
On Friday [00:02:00] 31st of August, 2018, I worked my last day at the charity. Three days later, on the Monday, I was officially a business owner working with my first client. And within a couple of months, Belinda Weaver became the first of my many business coaches. I chose her because as a mother of young kids herself, she understood the juggle between business and family life, the mommy guilt that plagues every mother I know, and the perpetual struggle to do it all.
Belinda Weaver: yes, I am doing it all.
Look at me, isn't it amazing. But the flip side of that is crying in the shower, crying on the kitchen floor with a baby and a toddler, like hitting me with things; my husband coming home, going, what is happening? Like, I don't know.
Eman Ismail: On today's show, I'm speaking to Belinda Weaver, copy coach and mentor, and co-host of the Hot Copy [00:03:00] podcast about how not being fast enough to take action has slowed down her business growth. But it's also the reason she's become a hugely successful as one of the most well-known copy coaches in the online business world.
Belinda Weaver: You don't own ideas and you cannot be resentful that other people execute an idea that you have had a not taken action on. That's not how it works. But it's tough when you go. I wanted to do that. I had that idea. And now other people are doing it.
Eman Ismail: Welcome to Mistakes That Made Me, the podcast that asks extraordinary business owners to share their biggest business mistake so you know what not to do on your road to success.
My name's Eman Ismail, and I'm an email strategist and copywriter for online business owners and e-commerce brands. I'm a podcast lover, a pizza binger, a proud mama of two, and I have this radical idea that if maybe us business owners were a little [00:04:00] less guarded and a lot more open about the mistakes we've made, we could help each other grow a business that brings us a more joy and less regret.-----
A little trigger warning miscarriage and IVF does come up in this conversation. So if that's something you don't wanna hear about right now, it might be best to listen in another time.
Belinda you help aspiring and working copywriters create businesses that they love to work in. And that is exactly what you helped me to do. Now you've become one of the very first people that copywriters recommend to each other when they wanna grow their business. You're one of the people to learn from in our industry. So take me through the journey of getting to that place.Well, I found out about copywriting in 2009, I was working in a marketing job and so I was really open to what the next opportunity was. I was thinking, I want to start a family. Do I want to join another corporate job? [00:05:00] Like, what does this look like? And I've only ever had a corporate-y kind of background. So freelancing, running my own business was not even on my list of possible things.
Belinda Weaver: And when I found out about copywriting, it definitely became a matter of how, not if, and it has changed my life in such a good way. I've discovered that I'm capable of so much more than I ever thought was possible. And it's been an amazing experience.
But, you know, to get to your question about how do I, how have I got to a point where people are recommending me and people know me? And I think the answer is consistency. And I think people overlook the power of just consistently showing up. So in those first few years, I was like, I'm a threat to no one because all these people that I'm following on Twitter, you know, Australian copywriters that felt like such a big deal. I remember when someone I knew tweeted back to me and [00:06:00] I was like, oh my God, they just replied to my tweet. And so I just set my self up for learning as much as possible and trying to do the best work I could do with the knowledge that I had. Cause I didn't know how to run a business. So it was like, oh my gosh, I have to do all these adult things like make sure my business taxes on, on time. And I have to do my books and I have to market myself and it was just a lot to take on, but I was so excited by it that I was like, I'm just going to do the best I can with the information that I had. And that's probably when I set up a consistent marketing routine. Or I was like, I'm just going to keep showing up even though I don't feel like I know what I'm doing, I'm going to look like I know a bit more than I do, and then I'm going to figure it out as I go along.
And what I did is I set up a weekly after about a year of regular social media. Kind of just posting out. I was like, all right, I think I need to start a [00:07:00] blog. So I did a blog. And so this is all about content creation, but I wrote a blog every week. And now some people like, oh, I have to wait till I'm inspired. I have to wait. And this, this is a little spoiler for what we're going to talk about for the rest. I have to, you know, wait until I know more, I was like, I'm just going to write something every week. Whether I think I'm ready or not. And I did the same with social media and that kind of consistent effort is how you stay top of mind. It's how people get to know you. It gives you a lot of content to repurpose, which has served me in all the years that have followed. But showing up in groups, showing up answering questions, showing up for networking sessions, showing up with content.
Just consistently showing up every single week has helped me get to a point where, well, to be honest, I'm surprised when people know who I am, because that's the life behind the [00:08:00] computer where you're like, oh one, oh, you read that. Oh, great. That's amazing. But just consistently showing up and taking care of the low hanging fruit of marketing of sharing your proof and your testimonials and what you do and how you solve problems. It's not complicated stuff. It's just consistency. And doing that each and every week, month, and year, it's a slow spread that pays off.
Eman Ismail: How many years have you been in this business?
Belinda Weaver: Well, I was working full time for six months while I was building Copyright Matters to a point where I felt you know what, if I had more time I could get more clients. So I went full time in early 2010, which makes it 12 years now. Is it 12 years? Yeah, right.
Eman Ismail: Wow. wow. That's amazing. The reason I ask is because when I googled your name in preparation for this [00:09:00] interview, it is just pages upon pages of videos, blog posts, workshops, webinars. And so you talk about consistency. And you talk about that slow burn. That's what happens when you are consistent for that long.
If I Google anything that is specific to running a copywriting business, I'm sure to see one of your pieces of content come up. And it was amazing to see a really is a, an amazing lesson in the art of consistency.
Belinda Weaver: So one thing I want to jump in real quick and add is that you do not have to create content for 12 years in order to get to where you want to go. You can leap to the top of the ladder. And, you know, we're going to dig into this more, but you can be absolutely strategic with the things that you do and shortcut your journey.
But consistent effort is what will help you play the long game and help you get those results. And so I [00:10:00] think never think you have to climb each rung of the ladder and do years and years of work in order to get where you want to go, but never discount the benefit of just showing up regularly.
Eman Ismail: Well, that's hopeful because me, cause I do, I do not write blog posts every week. So that's good to know. And just to add some context to this, and Belinda will probably cringe as I say this, but Belinda is a celebrity within the copywriting world. No, no, no. See, yeah. There's the cringe. There's the cringe.
And so, one of the first times that we spoke, I was like, oh my God, I'm getting on a call with the Belinda Weaver. Oh my God. I was, you know, seriously, I was, I was that nervous. And I know that you still, you still have that effect on people because you are the Belinda Weaver. So as much as Belinda is extremely humble and cringes at me saying she's a celebrity in the copywriting world, like I want to give you context for the kind of, success that we're talking about [00:11:00] and the kind of reputation that you've created for yourself. But I want to talk about, yes, you are amazing at being consistent and keeping consistent in your business, but you also have a lot going on at home. You have a lot that could potentially stop you from being as consistent as you are. So tell us a little bit about your home situation.
Belinda Weaver: Yeah, so I have two daughters, who are now five and eight. But I didn't have kids when I started my business. So I had the experience of having all the time in the world to devote to this new obsession that I had. And then, by 2014, my first daughter was born and we moved to the states as well. So that's when I had that first screeching halt of, yeah, you don't have as much time as you had before. And then, three years later, second daughter. So that's the whole new experience of yeah, that time you think you have [00:12:00] now, you have less time now. And now you have two humans to juggle. and this one. Yeah. Obviously not the only person who does this.
This is a very common thing in the copywriting world. As a lot of mums, a lot of parents trying to grow their business and manage their ambition and their drive and their grit and determination with the time confetti that they have available. So, so this year in 2022, I will in August, I will have two kids at school, which feels like the promised land, but you know, I've had been nursing babies on coaching calls and had, and I'm still having interruptions on calls where I'm, I'm on a coaching call in my Confident Copywriting group or in my copywriting program the incubator and I'm fixing doll's heads, or I'm getting things dressed or I've, or I have to hit pause because [00:13:00] it sounds like someone's going to kill someone else.
And it's, you know, I never try and hide that on the calls and within my groups, because that's just life of what's happening.
Eman Ismail: That was one of the things that attracted me to you and joining your group specifically because you didn't hide any of those things. And I was amazed that you had this on show like it was, and it wasn't a big deal. No, no, no, but it wasn't a big deal. It was like, this is real life. I'm not going to stress myself out by trying to hide it. And It is what it is. And you can join my community and accept that or I'm not the person for you. And this community is not the community for you. And that it gave me permission to stop pretending like the, I didn't have a kid who was going to come in sometimes and interrupts and that kind of thing.
Belinda Weaver: Absolutely. Absolutely. And for me, it was out of necessity because you know, my husband was going to. Leave early in the morning, come back in the evening. [00:14:00] I had no choice. And so early on, I had a lot of friction where I was like, oh, I have to pretend to be this super professional person, but also to be the supermom who's managing it all. And makes it look smooth and easy. And it's just not real. A lie. So I had to hit a breaking point where I was like, you know what? I have some choices here.
And who doesn't love a little kid coming in and being adorable on a call. So there's ways that you can absolutely make it work. But I mean, the hardest parts have been doing things like Facebook Lives and going, I just have to go and sort something out.
I've heard you talk about your annoyance with the term super woman that yeah. That you feel like it's, it's really toxic, which I totally agree with. Tell me a little bit more about that.
Belinda Weaver: Well, it's just, I think, especially in the early [00:15:00] years, babies are hard work. They need a lot. And, especially with two, I think it was probably really came in with two kids taking one to school and having a baby nursing, trying to run meetings, running my business. I know a lot of people don't ask me what I do because I'm just mom. Like when in the school playground, when I moved to America, no one asked me about my work for the first two and a half years. Because when you're carrying a baby, that's all people ask about. And so I got used to my work being this kind of hidden, super hectic part of my life, but I was always running in late to things, just trying to juggle it all.
I always use the analogy of spinning plates, just spinning as many places as possible and trying to keep it all up. And I would have people regularly say, oh, I don't know how you do it all. People who are in a work context in my computer, in communities and stuff like that. Like, oh, wow, you have [00:16:00] young kids. I don't know how you do it all.
But also friends who knew what I was juggling behind the scenes go, you're amazing. And it sounds really nice. People like people listening would be like, why are you hating on those compliments? But the thing is, I grew up with a mum who did it all. She worked. She cooked. She was social as hell. She ran clubs. She was my brownie leader. So I grew up watching a mom, be amazing at everything and do it all. And so I have that in my head, but then I also have people going, oh, you are superwoman. I don't know how you do it all. And it, it brings up this inner desire to kind of beat my chest and go, yes, I am doing it all.
Look at me, isn't it amazing. But the flip side of that is crying in the shower, crying on the kitchen floor with a baby and a toddler, like hitting me [00:17:00] with things, my husband coming home, going, what is happening? Like, I don't know. And realizing that lurching from breakdown to break down while having a veneer of doing it all, is not a good way to live.
And as the girls have got older, that's when I've really started making decisions. I talk a lot about enjoying the journey of my work now. But that's life as well. I, I want to stop lurching between stressful situations. I want to have a more even keel and that means I have to prioritize and I have to stop trying to do everything. And I have to stop saying yes. I had to start saying no, and I have to accept the messiness and just walk away from it and being okay with it.
I had a miscarriage the first time I was ever pregnant. And so by the time I had my second pregnancy, which is my first [00:18:00] son, he was very wanted, extremely wanted, and I was waiting for him to come. Right. So that for me, added a layer of pressure on, I think, the expectations that I had for myself around being the perfect mom. I don't even know what that means. I don't know what being perfect mother means. But I have the expectation for myself, especially when I quit my full-time job, started my new business. Like I was starting this business so that I could be a more present mother. I know that you went through IVF, to have your children. And I wonder if you experienced that too, where that added a layer of. Yeah. the layer of
Belinda Weaver: A hundred percent. Like we haven't been able to conceive naturally. So we're going to go through this other process, which I'm grateful worked really well the first time. But it's not easy. It's not cheap. So what happened then was [00:19:00] the friction of going, oh, this is nice and everything, but it's not my whole life. Being a mom is not my whole life. And I've got this obsession with copywriting and my business that is showing me, I mentioned that I'm more capable than I ever thought I was. And so there's really conflicting emotions between like, oh, I worked so hard to get this baby. I also worked so hard to get this business and I'm kind of a little bit resentful that I don't, I don't get to spend all my time with it. And that's, that's really difficult. When I always thought I'd be the mum. It's like, oh, we're going to sit down and we're going to play for hours. And then I was like, very quickly went. Apparently I'm not that mom. I am not that mom at all. And I'm okay with that.
But it comes with a lot of emotional stuff to work through when you're like, oh, I don't want to spend all my time with [00:20:00] you as a baby or even a toddler. You know, I, I want to do other things. And should I feel bad about that? I'm not sure. You know, that was the question I would ask myself a lot, like, is there something wrong with me? Am I being a bad mother? Because I'm not sitting down and playing Bobby's for four or five hours straight. The answer is no, by the way.
The answer is very much, no. I'm, I'm definitely experiencing that myself at the moment.
Eman Ismail: You mentioned resentment. Feeling resentful that you aren't able to work on the things that you want to work on. Who are you feeling resentment towards?
Belinda Weaver: Every one I'm around. Everyone. No. Well, you know, in, and I'm going to get really honest here. This is, you know, these are not nice things to acknowledge to yourself on a podcast, but I've been resentful to my husband because he would get to go and work in an [00:21:00] office and we're in Silicon Valley. So some of these tech companies are really nice offices.
Eman Ismail: More like a holiday, right?
Belinda Weaver: Yeah. Oh, Facebook has an arcade and free bicycles and New York smokehouse. Great. Good for you. I had a cheese stick today. But so there's that. And resentful that my kids needed me so much that I felt like they were stopping me from doing the things that I wanted to do in my business, in my work.
Now, I also recognize that I was developing very strong workaholic tendencies, which is not healthy. So now I embrace the chance that I get to be with my children away from my business, because I know that is good for me. I embrace the opportunities to be away from my business, not just with my children, but, you know, I recognize it as a good thing, but I own up to being resentful [00:22:00] that I would have to go to places, to playgrounds, to look after kids when they need it. Like they can't just look after themselves. My mind would be on my work and I found that friction really hard. Cause it's like welcome mum guilt. You're a terrible human being. You should love this time.
Eman Ismail: Yeah, I totally understand. And one of the things that I always feel like is I'm certainly at this stage in my life where I have an older son, who is six right now, and then an eight month old. I feel like when I'm being a great business owner, I can't also be a great mom. Or when I'm Or when the days that I'm a great mom, it's because I haven't been a great business owner. And I'm still trying to find that balance where both feel good to me. Where, I don't feel like I have to sacrifice one for the other.[00:23:00]
Yeah, I totally understand that where it's not one's off and one's on. One's off in order for one to be on that you can have. It's that even keel. I'm looking for small steps forward where I get to be good enough and joyful enough all the time, or at least a lot of the time. That's my goal. That's where all we're working towards. But yeah, I, I hear that.
Eman Ismail: Yeah. Well, I want to move on to the reason we're here. So let's go into that.
Belinda, what is the mistake that made.
Belinda Weaver: Taking too long. So it's a really, really short answer. Taking too long. And there's, there's two parts to this.
I take a long time to go from idea to execution. So it takes a long time for my brain to kind of make connections and join the dots and I like to mull and [00:24:00] percolate and let my ideas kind of bubble to the surface. And I think part of that reason that it takes a long time is my brain. Part of that reason is that I have a lot of other things vying for the processing power of my brain. So, I wish I was faster to take action. You know, where people go. I had an idea and by the afternoon there was a sales page up and now book three people in and I haven't even built it yet.
Belinda Weaver: So taking too long in that respects, but there's also the phase of life. Two young kids. And even them both being at school, we go to parent participation schools. So I work in the classroom as well, and we have a school job. It's the parents that keep it going. So it's not like I'm, I suddenly go to having all this time.
But when you have kids, it's an enforced slowdown, which was a bit of a shock to the system first, because I was like, I'll just work while the baby sleeps. It can't be that difficult. Right. So then you add another kid, and there's even less [00:25:00] time. So they're the, you know, that's what taking too long means for me. It means I have ideas I can't execute on cause I simply don't have the time or capacity. But it's also, I get annoyed with myself at how long it takes me to implement things that I have thought of.
Eman Ismail: This is one that I really empathize with and feel because that's exactly where I am. That's exactly where I am at today. So, give me an example of what this looks like in your life in business. Give me an example of, a time way. You've not been able to be, as fast with something as you want it to be.
Belinda Weaver: Yeah. So right now, Hot Copy podcast, we're not creating anymore. I'm gonna create a podcast that's my own. And I have an idea for it. I have an idea for the guests. I know what I want to talk about. I've got technical resources that can help and support me, but I do not have the capacity to do it. I have the, I have not the time. And so I [00:26:00] cannot, I cannot, I have to keep repeating this to myself. I cannot add it to my calendar yet. But I will get to it. And it gives me more time to let the ideas percolate.
Eman Ismail: Yeah. How does that make you feel, knowing that you have this thing that you're super excited about and not being able to implement it right now?
Belinda Weaver: Annoyed, but I also know that if I were to do it, it wouldn't be as good as it could be. And that other things, the quality of other things would be sacrificed because of that. And I'm not prepared to sacrifice those other things in order to create something new. I'm at an a phase right now where I'm dialing things in. I want things to be working and ticking over and proven before I add new things to my calendar. And that's okay.
Eman Ismail: Yeah, it is. It's funny because that happened to me with this podcast. So I had the idea for this podcast, about a year and a half before I started [00:27:00] recording. And I mean, I had the name, I had my wishlist of guests and of course you're on there. I knew what I wanted to do. Even a year ago, I'd had a conversation with my now podcast producer Zuri Berry, who is amazing. I spoke to him in August 2021. I was heavily pregnant at the time. Super frustrated that I wouldn't be able to do this thing that I desperately wanted to do, because it felt like, like a creative passion project that, you know, I don't even know how this is going to help my business, if it will at all. But if it does, that feels like a bonus because for me, this is a creative passion project. It was something that was burning inside me and I needed to do it and I needed to get it out. And not being able to do that was very difficult.
And then finally got to the point where I was like, right. I'm I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna make space for this. I'm gonna make this a priority because this is something that I really want to do. So I can so appreciate specifically at being a podcast [00:28:00] that you want to do.
I wonder if, how you feel watching other people, with kids, without kids, it might be with kids who are older, they have more kind of freedom to do the things that they want or without kids. How do you feel watching other people being able to maybe move at a pace, like, you're not able to?
That leads into another example that I have actually, because I think this is a good thing. Like, I think it's good for me to have these conversations with myself and to let go of the baggage. Cause I talk about, you know, we talk about being resentful. You can't hold onto these. These are like, this is what I talked to my girls about. You carry these things, they become stones in your heart and they weigh you down. So, and this is, you know, a little insight into how I kind of live my life where I like, well, I have to deal with this. I have to process this because this has nothing to do with them. This is something I have to figure out.
Belinda Weaver: And, you know, in terms [00:29:00] of slow, slow percolation, I had the idea for a membership when I had the idea for my first course, which I launched in 2014. And so I was like, I know I'm going to have a course that teaches writing. And then I'm going to have a membership that teaches the business side of being a copywriter.
But I did not launch that until 2018. And so I got to watch other people execute because it's not my idea. You don't own ideas and you cannot be resentful that other people execute an idea that you have had a not taken action on. You can't be resentful to people who have executed on an idea that you have also executed on.
That's not how it works, but it's tough when you go. I wanted to do that. I had that idea. And now other people are doing it. So by the time I get to do it, I'm going to be behind the eight ball. [00:30:00] But I have to let it go because the truth is if I had launched that membership before that time, I would not have been ready to do it well. And that's the big part of waiting too long is, is if I execute too quickly, I worry that I will not be able to deliver on the promise and that it will be a terrible experience and that people, this is the fear, that people will go well that was a giant waste of money. That was terrible. And that's something I'm not prepared to risk, which is why I wait and why I tend to over-deliver, which are different things.
But when I did actually launch Confident Copywriting, I wasn't entirely ready. But I had a plan and I had a program and I had a system and I look back and Confident Copywriting has helped me become more confident in what I'm doing. But if I had launched it earlier, [00:31:00] I wouldn't have been ready in the way that I was ready when I did it.
Eman Ismail: You mentioned a, I don't know if you said lack of competence or fear of people saying, oh, I paid for this thing and it was a giant waste of my money. What other barriers are there to you executing these ideas? I know logistically there were some barriers. Putting logistics aside, are there any of the barriers that come up that stop you from executing on things?
Belinda Weaver: Oh, imposter syndrome. Huge huge. Like it's only this year that I have called myself a copy coach. I've had Confident Copywriting since 2018. And in 2022, I actually called myself a copy coach. But you know, I'm, I'm building in confidence in that area to own that name. And so, yeah, it's that who am I to do a thing? [00:32:00] Why would people buy it? Can I actually deliver? It's going to be nowhere near as good as that thing, which has probably been going for five or 10 years, because it's very easy for us to compare our messy half done idea back of house to someone's been doing it for 10 years and I am absolutely not immune to that.
But since 2020 I've been working a lot on my mindset and being able to call those things out for what they are. There's also wanting to know all the things. Like, I want to know. I want to be able to do it well. So I need to know all the things about how to do it. I'm not just going to slap it together and wing it. I do not wing it. I never wing it. But there's the temptation to just learn a little bit more. And that's just perfectionism going, hey, hey, hey, let's say in the safe space, because this might not work, but it also might work either way. We don't want to do it. [00:33:00] So it's all the things that a lot of people other reasons we don't take action.
Eman Ismail: I think a lot of people will be surprised to hear you say that you suffer from imposter syndrome. And I think it's great to hear people that we really look up to talking about experiencing feelings like that, because it just humanizes it and it normalizes it and it makes us all feel like, okay, this is a normal feeling.
Do you ever, do you think imposter syndrome ever goes away? Will we ever get to a stage where we don't experience it?
Belinda Weaver: No.
And I don't want people to be like, well, the truth is that if you never experienced, ever, ever experienced imposter syndrome, you stopped growing and you've stopped challenging yourself. I experience it every time I'm about to step up and out into a bigger space. Whatever that means. Like whenever I'm peaking my toe out of my comfort zone.
And I, for me, I call it the churn. You know, like you get to the bottom of the barrel with [00:34:00] stuff, churn's up all those limiting beliefs, all that, all the voices and the perfectionism and the impulses in your, but all gets churned up in the muck. And then I do the thing and my comfort zone settles out a little bit further, everything settles down and I'm like, oh yeah, I did that. I can do this. It means I can do the next thing. But every time I get to the edge of that, and I'm about to expand my space again, it all comes up again.
By working on my mindset, I'm able to go, oh, that's interesting. Oh, okay. I hear you. I hear the things I'm telling myself, and I'm more easily able to differentiate between the truth and the story that I'm telling myself and just know that, oh, like, oh, this is a couple of days where I'm going to feel really bad about myself. And I'm probably going to be a little mean to myself, but I'm going to work through it. And I know what this is. And this is not the truth.
Eman Ismail: Quick thing [00:35:00] as an email expert, I've analyzed hundreds of emails and I see a lot of business owners making the same expensive mistakes in that email strategy. And copy. I want to help you stay away from those mistakes, which is why I've created the email rules, my free 35 minute email class that teaches you how to boost your conversions and sales through email without making any costly mistakes.
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Let's make it happen.
Let's talk about how it made you.
Eman Ismail: How did this mistake make you?
The fact that when I, when I do get to things, [00:36:00] I'm ready. I'm ready to rock it and they are better because of it. They're probably better than they needed to be. But taking a long time has helped me create programs and workshops and content and coaching that I am really proud of. And that offers genuine change for people, which is an idea of taking a long time to accept. So all that, like all that complementary stuff at the beginning, I'm like what? No. No one knows who I am. Like, I'm just here in my little corner trying to have an impact with the people I touch and connect with. And so I know that sometimes taking a long time is frustrating for me for a lot of reasons, but I'm happier with the work that I deliver.
Belinda Weaver: And so I know you shouldn't wait until it's, you're a hundred percent ready or that it's perfect, but I do not like winging it, as I mentioned. I want to know that I can [00:37:00] confidently deliver on my promise. And I also know that failure is a chance to learn, but if I can reduce the chance of spectacular failure, I absolutely will. And what that means is sometimes people are like, wow, that was that's amazing. Like, this is amazing. This is fantastic, which is wonderful, but it's because I took possibly longer than I needed to, to implement it.
But it's also helping me accept that I will do things in the time that is right for me. And that is helping me adjust my business and my expectations of myself and my expectations of my family. So they all work together with a little more harmony because I want to do a lot of things, but I want to enjoy the journey of my work. I don't want to burn myself out, getting there [00:38:00] or racing to get there and then being miserable. Or putting myself last because I'm hungry for more.
Something honestly has to give. And I remember in another conversation we had, where I think you said your mom said you don't get to have it all. And that's a brutal truth where something has to give, but for me, it's how long it takes. Like, I, I want to have fun. I want to laugh and it's this really sorry, state when I'm like, I don't remember the last time I really, really, really laughed and had fun. And that I'm like, yeah, no, that's not how you live a life. So something's going to give, all right, well, I'm going to take longer to get to the work stuff that I want to, because I want to allow more time for fun. That seems worth it.
Eman Ismail: Talking of fun, I think you can be really proud of me. Today, today I bought a basketball because I decided [00:39:00] I'm going to get back into basketball. I used to love it. I used to absolutely love it as a, like in my late teens. And then I took my son to the basketball class the other day. And they had like a parents training kind of thing. So I found myself playing basketball with these little kids and their parents and all the parents were getting like super competitive, super serious, but get into, you know, pasta the kids of course.
It was so much fun. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun and I just thought, you know what? That was a few days ago. I thought I'm going to get back into basketball. So I am going to sign up for some classes, some local classes, I am going to practice in the local basketball courts, and I'm going to have some fun. And I thought you might like to know that.
Belinda Weaver: Yes, I am so chuffed with that because sometimes, like I personally find it difficult to do things that seem to lack a point.
Eman Ismail: Yeah.
Belinda Weaver: I'm going to learn to play the ukulele. I'm never going to be very, very good, but oh, I really want to do this. And that's enough. It's taken me a long time [00:40:00] to want to do things just for the point of doing them, especially when I have to prioritize my time. Like with military precision. Sometimes it can feel like a waste of time if there's no point to doing it. But fun is the point. And I've started making more decisions like that. And I think it's tremendous because that's how you have just a better life.
Eman Ismail: I totally agree. One of the things you do now is you go hiking every other week. Right?
Belinda Weaver: Yep. It's every second, Sunday, four to five hours. building up one of my goals is to be able to do like a 20 or 30 mile injured, like long hikes, maybe even overnighters. And that was funny about that is for a long time I would kind of wait for people to give me time off from my family responsibilities. This goes back to the superwoman thing. Right. And I wasn't consciously doing it, but I was like, I want to go hiking. [00:41:00]
And my husband went, but it was more like a whine. Like I want to go hiking. And my husband was like, so just go. What,what? We can. I can just go? And he's like, yeah, we'll be fine. And do you know what? They were.
So I just declared it. I was like, right. I put it on the calendar, Sunday I'm going hiking. And I left the house and everyone was fine. So it was like, this is actually what I'm going to do every Sunday and my husband every second Sunday. And my husband's like, you know, you can go every Sunday if you want. Again, what?
So like a lot of the ways we stop ourselves has nothing to do with what other people think or want or need it's us writing their stories for them. But I love it because I don't take my AirPods. I choose different hikes based on what I need. So if I'm feeling like a lot of work's going on, it's in my head and I've got some problems to solve or think through, or I want to have ideas, I do hikes with big open skies.
If I'm feeling a little vulnerable and [00:42:00] overworked and stressed and things like that, I choose hikes that are in like forests and that are really closed in. And I'm finding that they're getting out in nature really nourishes me. And I'm like, wow. I just feel really good, really good doing this kind of long, hard, beautiful hikes, and just don't wait for other people to say it's okay. Just declare that that's what you're going to do, and then empower the people around you to look after themselves.
Eman Ismail: Exactly. You've spoken about this idea of not training the people around you to depend on you. Walk me through that a little bit.
Belinda Weaver: So that, again, like this is a piece of advice that I got from a couples counselor who counsels entrepreneurial couples. And he said, if one of you is an entrepreneur, then you're an entrepreneurial couple and the dynamic is different. And it was one of those, like I was in a, in a coaching group and he was a guest and they said, [00:43:00] who wants to volunteer? And I was like, I'll get, I'll get some free therapy. Sure. And it was really tough. It was a lot of hard truths. And he was basically helped me understand that while I thought I was helping my family by doing lots of things for them, because that's what moms do and that's how I show my love. He was like, you're actually just training them to need you. And you're not letting them look after themselves in the way that they're fully capable of. And I was like, damn, wow.
Eman Ismail: Wow. That is mind
Belinda Weaver: I really took that hit hard. I was like, you're right. And when I don't let them sort it out for themselves or do the things I'm asking them to do. Or letting them be part of the community of our house. I'm actually holding them back. And I'm holding me back. I can't complain about no one doing things around the house. That's a common thing we often hear like, I'm [00:44:00] sick of this. Why do I have to do everything? No one's helping me. Well, I am actually not letting everyone anyone help because I'm just doing it all.
So why would people do housework when I'm doing it all. So we changed the language in our house to go this is a community job and we are a community and everyone has the community jobs. And it's been fantastic. And sometimes that means I have to just let the mess happen and walk away from it and be okay with it. And choose to sit down for half an hour and read a book.
Eman Ismail: I want to go back to what you said about, my, my mom and what she told me and to just kind of delve into that a little bit deeper. So when my first son was probably under one. No, no, he wasn't. He was older because by this point I'd started my business. So he had to be at least two and I was getting frustrated with not being able to [00:45:00] run my business like I wanted to, and also not be the mother that I wanted to because I'd built this business so that I could be more present for him. And yet I found myself busier than ever initially, which was insane to me.
I was complaining about it one day and she just said, look. Where you're at right now you can't have it all. You can't have everything that you want in your career and have everything that you want at home with your son. Something's got to give. And that was the first time anyone had ever said that to me, because before that, I'd always been fed this narrative that we can have it all, and we can have everything that we want. And
Belinda Weaver: And we should aim for it as well.
Eman Ismail: And we should aim for it. Exactly. And I'm thinking there is some people who are going to be frustrated by this part of the conversation, potentially, maybe. But I felt like it was really important that my mom said that to me because immediately those expectations of reaching that standard fell from me when somebody told [00:46:00] me that what you're aiming for is impossible. I felt relief.
Belinda Weaver: Yes. And it's, it's right now. It's not impossible in life. Like it's put that GPS setting in, know where you're going, but stop beating yourself up because you are working full time and momming full time and looking after everyone else and trying to look after yourself and trying to have fun. And, you know, the expectations on women are impossible.
What's that, you know, the line. Like, work like you don't have children. Parent like you don't have to work. All that kind of stuff. It's really hard to process. And then we look at people in our industry, and I know I'm part of that, which is why I like to be really vocal of it, women that we go, well she's doing it. And she's got two kids. So why do I find this so hard? And that's why I'm loved showing the difficult bits. [00:47:00] Because that's, that's part of it.
And you have to know it's difficult, that's why also I think the pandemic hit a lot of us in this way. I started going, wow, something's got to change significantly in how I approach my work and my life, because I am not having enough fun. I am not putting myself first in the way that I want to. So I had to make some changes, empower other people, stop thinking I was selfish for wanting to do things for myself. And it's been amazing. And I have enjoying the journey of my work a lot more. So that's become the big drum that I'm beating to help other people just be realistic so that they can enjoy it a little more without sacrificing your ambition.
Eman Ismail: And I think the important thing is what you said, it's about the different phases in life because it got easier. It got easier. It was at that stage that I couldn't [00:48:00] have exactly what I wanted, but as I got older, it got easier to start achieving the kind of goals that I wanted to. You've spoken about? Not being able to say yes to everything, appreciating the need to slow down and appreciating the fact that you work in this way. And that's okay. So tell me how you decide on what to prioritize. What do you let go of? What do you say yes to? And what do you say no to? What does that decision making process look like?
That's really good. I wouldn't say I have a, like a hard framework for that, but I asked myself, do I want to do it? Or do I feel like I should do it? Cause I ain't got enough time to do things that I don't want to do. And I won't do them well. So do I actually want to do this? Does the idea excite me? Is it going to make me money?
Belinda Weaver: Now, that sounds hungry. Yes. It's not all about the money, but do you know what that's why the podcast is getting [00:49:00] pushed back a little bit because I have some ideas that will generate revenue that I want to focus on first. So do I want to do it? Does it excite me? And is it going to bring me revenue?
And so, yeah, not, not everything has to be a money earner, but when I'm prioritizing my time, I've started to become a lot more critical of activities, tasks, things like that, that actually don't need to be done and won't really have an impact. And aren't going to bring anything to my bottom line. So they're probably the two things.
Eman Ismail: I love that. And I think I've heard you say that before. I'm sure it was you that I stole that from. So in my head, those are the kinds of things that helped me make a decision. And starting this podcast was difficult because it was a big investment. And there's no, there's no guarantee that it's going to bring to me any money. I [00:50:00] actually had the idea for this podcast and then another revenue generating idea, assuming that went well, and I actually went with this one because I felt like I needed to focus on something that wasn't just about making me money. Interestingly, I needed to feel creatively fulfilled. So that's what this is for me.
Belinda Weaver: And that is asking what do I get out of this? It doesn't always have to be a dollar thing. Fulfillment is just as legitimate enjoyment. That kind of thing. Excitement. Brilliant. And that's when you can look at projects and clients and stuff like that, it's not all about how much money they bring in. There's lots of other reasons to say yes to opportunities.
But there are two things I think of, because I tend to want to do lots of things that don't actually bring in any money.
Eman Ismail: When you [00:51:00] think about the mistake that you chose, which was taking too long, what have you learnt from this and what do you want other people to learn from your experience?
Belinda Weaver: Well, I've, I've really learned that I'll, I'll get there when I'm ready. That my journey is my own and that my journey is my own is a real mantra. I'm saying a lot, I have been saying for a long time, but I really, I have to believe it. I have to believe it's okay that I'm taking longer than it feels like everyone else is.
I want other people to know, I want other people to be aware of their own comfort zone and to push themselves out of their comfort zone regularly. Fear muscles are brilliant ones to be able to develop that process of going, this is uncomfortable for me, but I'm going to push through the discomfort because I know there are good things on the other side. I know it will be worth it. If you never get out of [00:52:00] your comfort zone, you are just not growing. So I would love people to be aware of their comfort zone, but to also give themselves permission to work in the way that they work. And to listen to that and be aware of it and have acceptance that they might be a quick start, which is brilliant. And that means letting go of perfectionism to get it going. But you might be a slow burn like me, and it's just a different way of working. So push yourself, challenge yourself, but do it in a way that works for you. And, and to have acceptance of that.
Eman Ismail: Thank you so much. I think so many people are gonna listen to this and just feel relieved by so much of what you said and also just feel understood. So thank you. It's been amazing having you Where can people find you if they want to stay connected?
Belinda Weaver: My website is Copyright Matters. So that's my business name. My website is [00:53:00] copyrightmatters.com.
And so I encourage people to go to my website. It's got my social media links on. I would love to have a conversation about anything that's landed for people. So Facebook and Instagram are my two big ones, but reach out to me. I would love to talk all the things we've talked about today. I love talking about so excellent questions.
Eman Ismail: Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me, Belinda, you like already said you are a dream, guest for me, you're on my wishlist of guests from the very beginning. So I'm so excited that you're here and thank you for taking the time to chat to me. I know you're super busy. I appreciate it.
Belinda Weaver: Oh, I always make time for things like this.
Thanks, Eman.
Eman Ismail: In a world where we're so used to celebrity entrepreneurs painting an unrealistic, unattainable, and probably untrue picture of their perfect lives with the perfect funnels and the perfect Instagram grids and the perfect houses with their perfect kids, we need more Belinda Weavers.
Business owners who show us what the [00:54:00] messy behind the scenes of running a business really looks like with a real life, with real kids, real laundry and real dishes, all fighting for our attention. Belinda's experience is a great reminder that you need to give yourself grace because taking things slowly might be exactly what you need to build a successful and sustainable business that's right for you.
As hard as it is, it's time to stop focusing on what everyone else is doing and start asking yourself, what do I want and what am I willing or not willing to do in order to get there. Belinda's right. When you build in a business, the journey is just as important as the destination and in the words of lifestyle designer, Katie Lee, that is power in every day because how you live your every day is how you live your whole life.
You're listening to Mistakes That Made Me, I'm Eman Ismail. And if you loved this [00:55:00] episode, take a screenshot, post it on Instagram and tell everyone you know that this is the podcast to listen to. And tag me @emancopyco so we can say hi and so I can share your post.
You can find the links to everything I've mentioned today in the show notes.
Next time on Mistakes That Made Me.
Jennifer Ogunyemi: I remember having the conversation with my husband. I said, I need to show up. Now I need to let people know who I am, not just for them, but also for myself. I need to be okay with who I am.
